found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
