I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
