I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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