i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
