her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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