i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
