shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
