just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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