he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
