I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
