I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
