booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
