I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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