i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize