I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
