Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He is an equal opportunity slut.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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