Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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