i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
