Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
