Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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