her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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