I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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