I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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