some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize