Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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