Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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