you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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