Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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