It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
