evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
did you just send me my own nude
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
