can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
