planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
