I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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