Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
