Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
