So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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