so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
