I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were trust falling into bushes
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
