You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The struggles of a small town man whore
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
