my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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