i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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