I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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