dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
