drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
