And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
