Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
