A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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