what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
