i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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