The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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