I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
