then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
