Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
