they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
