OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
