I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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