Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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