She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
