I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
