the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
