Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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