your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
