i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
