hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
