Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
