I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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