How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
