So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The best revenge is premature balding
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
