Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
