This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
