It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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