I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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