2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
