YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
