I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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