If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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