She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
