he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
